"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
--ooOoo--
An ad for St. Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
--ooOoo--
When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
--ooOoo--
"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!"
--ooOoo--
A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed."
--ooOoo--
"People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water before out know how strong they are."
--ooOoo--
"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
--ooOoo--
"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
--ooOoo--
"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right."
--ooOoo--
"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
--ooOoo--
"Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."
--ooOoo--
"How will you spend eternity -- Smoking or Nonsmoking?"
--ooOoo--
"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives":
--ooOoo--
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
--ooOoo--
"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
--ooOoo--
"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
--ooOoo--
"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
--ooOoo--
"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
--ooOoo--
"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
--ooOoo--
"This is a ch _ _ ch. What is missing?" ---------> (U R)
--ooOoo--
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
--ooOoo--
"In the dark? Follow the Son."
--ooOoo--
"Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
--ooOoo--
"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
